I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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