you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
