so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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