i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
