I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
