No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Randomize
