So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im six kinds of drunk right now
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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