Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize