pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
