did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
