her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
