you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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