I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
