You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize