So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
