dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
