I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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