I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
