I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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