kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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