Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My vagina just clenched in fear
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
