I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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