yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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