How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
