Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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