we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
