First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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