it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
