What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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