as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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