Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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