Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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