so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
