He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
