weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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