so that wasnt chicken after all
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize