the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
