Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
