in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize