Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
