i would punch a child for taco bell
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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