She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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