You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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