im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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