then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize