i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
