remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
