Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
