i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
