remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
