there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize