Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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