turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
