thus making me awesome and them whores
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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