literally had 100 drinks last night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
