I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
