i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
