a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
