I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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