Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
