I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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