i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
