THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
