I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
