i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
