i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
