he thought i was a dude.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
