we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
