just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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