does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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