her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Bring me that man meat
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
