I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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