apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
