I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
where does the pee come out of this thing
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
