This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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